We’ve all heard it before, confidence is everything. Those that seem to have it, have it all. They, themselves, are not necessarily perfect human beings, but they seemingly have the charisma to attract whatever they want in life.
I remember way back in middle school during those awkward years looking at some of the popular kids questioning what they had that I didn’t. Were they just amazing at sports or were they cool since they wore the coolest designer clothes? What was it that they had that others didn’t?
I thought about it and came to the conclusion that they really weren’t any better than anyone else. They simply possessed the “I know I’ve got it” factor. They walked around with a certain swagger. For what reason you might ask? I’m not entirely sure. But, I realized people like them – that look like they have it all – all seem to have confidence.
So, I figured confidence must be the secret sauce to attracting good things in life. Look at some of the most successful people in this world – They all seemed to have confidence even when others didn’t believe in them. While some people might hypothesize confidence only comes as a result of excelling in certain areas, I decided that confidence was going to come first. I figured if I can be self-assured, I’ll simply attract good things in life.
So from then on, confidence was going to be my thing. No questions – From standing up straight to speaking with certainty, I decided I would learn everything I could about confidence so that it would become part of my very identity.
Here are the 3 types of confidence one can have:
1. Self-Centered Confidence
We’ve all seen what I like to call self-centered confidence or just straight cockiness. This level of self-praise is a bit nauseating for everyone around that person. It’s a result of self-obsession. Basically, the world revolves around this person, so when things are going well, they are cocky and when things are not going their way, they are secretly insecure. This type of confidence is unwarranted because it assumes “I’m better than you” for no reason. In my book, no one’s better than me and I’m no better than anyone else.
“At the end of the day, the king & the pawn go in the same box.” – Italian Proverb
2. Perfection-Seeking Confidence
The next type of confidence is what I like to call Perfection-seeking confidence. The thought here is that if I perform in all of these areas, then I will be confident. This is exactly what I subscribed to in middle school. I figured, if I work really hard in all these areas and simply exemplify confidence, I will in turn be unshakeable.
You see this type plastered all over the internet these days – There is so much messaging out there about independent women or guys that hustle like no other. Don’t get me wrong – I’ve always been inspired by girl power. I dreamt about becoming a career woman who made things happen.
But, what about those times when you’re stuck in a job you don’t like? Can you still label yourself as an independent, powerful woman then? How does that affect your identity? You need a different kind of confidence that will be there not only when you’re doing well, but also when you’re at your worst.
3. Faith-filled Confidence
This brings me to the last and ultimate kind of confidence. Faith-filled confidence, which is not dependent on outside circumstances, but an underlying faith that tomorrow can be better than today through hard work and grit. This is the type of confidence that brings you peace in understanding that you might not have it all together today, but you trust that you have the values to get you there.
This is the type that might say, “Hey I might currently suck at this particular skill, but I know I’ll get there eventually.” It brings you peace. It’s the type of confidence that can carry you when the going gets tough. It’s not focused on yourself, but a belief that whether through friends, family, God or the good of this world, everything will eventually be all right. It’s saying, “Like wine, I’ll get better with time.”
“It is confidence in our bodies, minds and spirits that allows us to keep looking for new adventures.” – Oprah Winfrey
In all, not all confidence is created equal. There are various types, but not all of them will take you where you need to be. So ask yourself – which type of confidence are you seeking? Are you seeking the kind that places yourself at the forefront or are you seeking an inner peace type of confidence that trusts in the good of tomorrow beyond yourself? This will make all the difference.